Gummy Lunchables

Two boxes of "gummy lunchables." One is a pizza kit and the other is cracker stackers. The two boxes are posed on a yellow countertop with a white wall.

M’s Review


Why would you quantify a bad time when the qualifiers are so damn funny?

I delicately composed what might be considered the Lunchable “perfect bite” out of the gummified array: an ambitious tower of gummy lunch meat and gummy cheese slices and gummy pepperoni on a gummy cracker, took a clean bite through the layers, and felt sick not too long after. To be fair I think I ate about half of the thing before nausea set in. Every element tasted the same – a monochromatic “sweetness”. I’m pretty sure a pineapple was involved at some point, but to what degree remains unknown. Bonus: I accidentally left some of the gummy cracker slices out overnight and their texture and fragrance remained exactly the same the following day. I suspect that this is a polymer pretending to be a food product.

Theodore’s Review

The familiar shape and texture of these food items invite one to construct a sandwich, perhaps even a double decker of cheese and ham. Surely that is the intended use of such items?

But no!! The gum material is impenetrable, impossible to chew! Who created this monstrosity? Who??

I will find you.

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